There is always so much to be doing in life, everyone has so many different worlds to juggle. Family, friends, work, hobbies and every little thing in between. Keeping on top of them all is one of the hardest parts of being an adult. So many moving parts, with only one ‘you’ to deal with them. Add on top of this the lack of energy and resilience chronic pain brings, and it’s near impossible to manage.
I have especially been struggling with this recently. There are so many things that are important to me.There's a cycle in chronic pain called the Boom and Bust- where we push ourselves for something that we care about, only to suffer for it in the recovery.
My ‘boom’ this month was intense: a photoshoot day on location, a doctor’s appointment and a lovely dinner with my parents. All of these things, to me, couldn't wait. My doctor asked why I hadn't rescheduled despite clearly being too tired. I said I had already waited a month for the appointment, I didn't want to wait any longer. If I were to wait until I felt well enough to do the things that matter, I'd never get anything done.
Instead, I learn to manage the consequences; learn to manage the cycle.
The fallout of over exerting myself is difficult to manage, in all honesty. I get worse at replying to messages, I find myself spending more time on the sofa watching TV shows and trying to find a position that doesn’t aggravate my pain. My head turns to cotton wool- it’s like my thoughts all get jumbled around and it’s so difficult to concentrate. Walking gets hard too, like I'm wading through syrup with weights attached to my legs.
I'm still learning how to manage the cycle, I have a long way to go. One thing I do know is I'll keep doing what I love, make as much of the hand I've been dealt as possible.
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